Subtle Changes

I wish my units would behave themselves and stay on the low side every single night (who doesn't!), but I knew this wasn't going to happen or at least I was prepared for it NOT to happen.  Lowering my expectations was a good thing because my units did indeed go back up and not only did they go back up, but they exceeded my usual pre-naltrexone habits which added a nice sting to my madness and worry.  Over the weekend I drank copious amounts of wine and the other night I fell into an old habit of "borrowing" another bottle from my friend next door (I had just finished my pinot and happened to be taking care of her dogs while she was away, so I helped myself to a few glasses of a nice chardonnay and I don't even like chardonnay!).

In my weakened and confused state I darted around the TSM forum and found some reassurance.  One person commented that his units never went up or down, he drank the same amount, day in and day out for 6 months, then all of a sudden a miracle, his desire for alcohol went out the window and that was that.  I think he's mostly abstinent now!  Lordy, lordy, that's good news!

On another note, my naltrexone prescription is running out and I just spent the last 2 hours researching online pharmacies and I simply cannot bring myself to purchase from some rogue pharmacy.  So I'm going to call an addiction psychiatrist tomorrow and see what transpires.  I'm not going to beat around the bush, I will ask her point blank if she is familiar with The Sinclair Method and if she'd be willing to hand over some naltrexone.  I'm not in the mood to go to my local clinic like I did last time and lie about my abstinence on naltrexone.  I'm lacking drama this week.

After 2 nights of a bottle plus of wine (7 & 8 units), I decided to switch to red and see if that would help me taper my consumption and it did!  I drank 4.5 units last night and what a relief.  I think I might stick to red for a while because I tend to drink this more slowly.

Goodness this can be tedious work sometimes and it is easy to lose hope, but as my dear husband pointed out, I used to never, ever be able to leave alcohol alone in the house and despite my fluctuating units, this is indeed some sort of progress no matter how subtle or small.


Before naltrexone:  42-50 units per week • Week 1:  18units • Week 2:  32units • Week: 3:  39units • Week: 4: 49units • Week 5: 32units • Week: 6:  25units • Week 7:  27units • Week 8:  28units • Week 9:  34units, 1 AF day. • Week 10:  42units • Week 11: 44units • Week 12:  39 units • Week 13:  42   • Week 14: 35.5  • Week 15: 37 units